Saturday, September 19, 2009

I Don't Care

nd He took a deep breath and tried to relax. Blasting music as loud as the speakers would take before they distorted wasn't doing much for him, but he realized that thinking rationally before blogging would be a good idea. The deep breath seemed to make a difference but his fingers were still glittery, flying across the keyboard with an excess of motion and energy, there was news that he discovered that was... damaging to him, more so than he thought it would.

Despite all of the events that had transpired over the course of the past three months and all that he had accomplished, at the end of it all he was still feeling like a bum as the world continued to move around him; he was not in a good place.

He hadn't seen her since graduation, which was probably a great idea because it allowed for less suffering. Thoughts would occasionally drift in and out of mind, but he expected that to be normal and as time passed those thoughts lessened and faded, fading from mind almost entirely, he had other things to think and worry about.

Tonight was a mistake. He, in his bummery, laid on his back looking at the shiny device that took a large part of his attention and therefore his time every day (it allowed for games and music, sometimes simultaneously) as he surfed an equally distracting, addictive and overall unhealthy website where people pretend to keep in touch with each other by sending short 2-5 sentence messages to each other on "walls".

There was a conversation between her and her friend and he felt a little weird reading it, but he shrugged it off and read it anyway. He learned not too long ago that the internet is a public forum and nothing on it is private and justified that since that's the case, anything on it is rightfully up for grabs. He should have remembered that on this public forum a single line can burn, and that's all it took.

Upon completion of reading he put down the shiny device and sat up. "I don't care," he said heading to his door. He was lying to himself. "Damnit! I don't have anywhere to go,". He gave up and sat at his desk, looking online for a person to tell or a public forum to post about it, one where friend those he wanted to read it could read it and one where others would not. He hoped that his post wouldn't turn on him and create another burn mark.

He then decided "fuck that," and found some things to delete.

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