Awkward

"Why are you so awkward?" My friend Jessica asked me as I half mumbled "We're good" while sheepishly turning away from the sales associate at Men's Wearhouse. I had tagged along on a shopping/hunting trip to help Jessica's friend Kitty or Katy (I can't seem to remember perfectly what her name was) help her friend John find acceptable attire to wear for a wedding. Currently we were searching for a vest, which the rest of the day would provide no form of success for that specific item, though we did managed to find the shirt, tie and pants he would wear otherwise. I also learned throughout the day that I am not very knowledgeable about the art of buying clothes and clothing in general, but that's aside from the point and not an area I care that much to improve upon anyway.

Back to my original point, and while the question of "Why are you so awkward?" may have been pertaining only to that particular moment, it was still a question that more or less defined the entire day, as I stumbled and bumped into various things both on the streets of Manhattan and in the various department stores we visited. However, "why are you so awkward?" doesn't really just headline an off day in the life of Matthew Chao. No, although it becomes a much more apparent trait of mine on such days, "awkward" is really an element that defines a large portion of my character.

Throughout my many attempts to cover up my awkward, spastic behavior, which works with most first impressions but never over a long period of time, I have come to realize something. If ever I care to get to know someone well, in any capacity, they will have to come to understand and accept that I am an awkward person. This awkwardness does not make me any less capable in what I do, nor does it make me any more difficult to me around than I already may be. This is a trait that is just part of me, like someone that pronounces certain words differently or bites their nails. Ultimately it is something that should be embraced by the one who possesses it and overlooked by others. So in short, I am so awkward because I am an awkward person, although, that should have become readily apparent after the second time anyone has hung out with me. (Or if you've ever talked with me over the phone.)